One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
