I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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