Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We smell like vodka and hangover
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