I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
