I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
