yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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