Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
