I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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