so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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