hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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