Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
