i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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