Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm bleeding and have questions
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
