You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
