Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
