Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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