yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
