I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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