Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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