If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I intend to get homeless drunk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
