Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize