I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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