If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
