So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
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I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have tasted many bathrooms
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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