I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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