At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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