God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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