I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
