Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
