It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
