Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
