thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
