Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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