either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
