??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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