you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
