I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
