I'm passing your future prison.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
