I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
