we have pet lesbian snakes
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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