I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize