look no pants
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
