i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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