she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
