It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize