so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize