How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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