is your mom at the bar?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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