Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
