I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
