imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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