Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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