if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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