would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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