I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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