For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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