Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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