I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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