I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
