I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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