i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
