Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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