Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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