so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
