how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
