well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
