OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
